Calgary Flames fan regrets his decisions

Where does a mansplainer get water?  From a well, actually.

Where does a mansplainer get water? From a well, actually.

The Calgary Flames got up off the canvas in the third period of their Game 5 against Dallas last night. Trailing 1-0 and not having scored at home in the series in seven periods, he looked pretty grim. However, the Stars can never score enough to put a team away, no matter how well Jake Oettinger is playing at the net. Mikael Backlund tipped home with a magnificent trail from Andrew Mangiapane through the woods to tie it together:

And then Mangiapane took matters into his own hands a few minutes later, capitalizing on a fumble in the neutral zone to devise this tracer bullet to beat Oettinger and provide the winner:

However, the true story of the Flames was told in the stands. It’s always jarring to see the Red Mile reconstituted when the Flames make the playoffs. It seems like just about everyone in the stands at Saddledome is not just wearing red, they’re wearing a Flames jersey. But in the third period last night, the television coverage focused on a particular couple, or a duo, or something else (it was not easy to tell) when the Flames turned the series around:

This was after the Backlund equalizer, and the first conclusion most would jump to is that our woman here is just pandering to the guy to her right on his big night (plus, wasn’t she the woman who tempted Dexter in the season 2?). But look closer, you know that face. Backlund’s goal only made it 1-1. The Flames have struggled to score all series. She knows that there is a long way to go here, and many things could go wrong. Sure she’s relieved, but she’s still not selling out right now. Not that the Flames’ history or reputation in the playoffs instills much confidence going forward. And she can’t stand the unbridled excitement of her partner right now. She’s going to fuck him!

Plus, he has that expression we’ve all seen, which is he’s been up all night explaining offsides and harsh penalties to him and he FUCKING KNOWS. He has also realized that he has come to the biggest event in Calgary in years with a bloated brother in a backwards hat, and nobody enjoys that realization.

But when Mangiapane scores the winner, it’s clearly become too much:

Even though the Flames season was redefined, his choice to come to the game in this hardtail has trumped everything. Look, we’ve all had playmates we wanted to go to and couldn’t find anyone other than someone we weren’t sure we could spend three hours or nine innings with. Or we were sure we couldn’t. Here you’ve seen the Flames’ biggest goal for a while, sullied by Sigma Alpha Fuckwit. She will tell her friends for years that she was there and edit it out, but deep down she will know what the experience really was. You can see the fading light in her eyes. You can feel the fear that she will have to hear how important that goal was and what a season Mangiapane has had on the way home or on the way to the bar, when she knows all that. She knows that Mangiapane is an RFA after the season, but she knows that’s a concern for another day. There is still one more victory to go in this series, and an epic Battle of Alberta could await. The Avs are still in the distance.

And all of that is buried under just getting through all of this with this guy. We all make our own decisions. It was worth it? In time she will think about it. The night Mangiapane saved the flames. But it’s hard to see that oasis in the moment, with Douche Canoe’s arm around you screaming in your ear. She is looking for him, in the distance. She will get there, ma’am. We promise.

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